Mr Crepsley vs Edward Cullen
by creative-sheep-thing
Summary: The Saga of Darren Shan ends, and now Darren and Mr Crepsley are in paradise. Or not! There they meet these sparkley, pathetic imposters who call themselves vampires! So it leads to all out war between the Shan Vampires and the Cullens!
1. Chapter 1

**Darren Shan Alternate Ending**

Ok, so this is Darren in paradise :) enjoy! All the characters belong to Darren shan and the twilight characters belong to sephenie meyer (even though she stole the idea from Anne Rice and Darren Shan)

* * *

I'm going... I'm going... I'm gone.

Darren opened his eyes to find himself lying on a random cloud, in the distance a few palm trees could be seen along with a pool, unfortuantely they were behind closed gates.

"I thougt I just died..." Darren muttered to himself, as he picked himself up off the ground.

"You did, welcome to paradise, where all vampires frolic for the rest of eternity!"Came a familiar voice.

"STEVE!" Darren screamed, not shocked to see Steve as much as he was to find that his enemy was wearing a long white dress and had not only angel wings but a halo.

"I have changed my ways, Darren, so would you like me to put you in the estate where all your friends are?" Steve smiled sweetly, skipping over to the gates, he made a breif phone call and a spotless white car came to pick them up.

"Steve, since when did you wear white dresses!" Darren gasped, as Steve smiled.

"I've seen the error of relentless violence and killing people, so now I've reverted to being a total hippie! Peace out Darren!" He said, as they pulled over by the gates to a collection of small houses in an estate.

"Wow, thank's Steve!" Darren was rather shocked, but atleast Steve wasn't scary anymore.

"I'm the guardian angel in charge of this estate, this is where all your friends in life are, strangely they won't talk to me, and Mr Crepsley threw a chair at me the last time he saw me, can't think why." Steve sighed serenely, opening the gates and partolling the estate.

"Ah ha! This is Mr Crepsley's house, it's really big, a load of people live here," Steve smiled, skipping away to be angelic for someone else.

"Bye!" Darren called, taking a deep breath and entering the house...

* * *

Well, that's all for chapter one, rather than having long chapters every now and then I decided to do short ones regually, so I hope you enjoy, this one wasn't funny yet, but as you will know if you read "Naruto's worst nightmare" it takes me until the second chapter to get to grips and start with some humour.


	2. Chapter 2

Larten's culinary tallent

Darren walked into the house, and peered round the first corner, he could hear a loud rendition of "don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me!" blaring from the kitchen. Edging closer he opened the door slightly to see Mr Crepsley cheerfully cooking eggs and bacon. It wasn't so much the fact Mr Crepsley was _cooking _which disturbed him, but the fact that he was also wearing a pink, frilly apron and loudly, and tunelessly, singing along to the music.

"Omg..." Darren whispered, as he saw his usually prim vampire mentor doing the shimmie, and now some slightly disturbing disco moves from the 80s!

"Dontcha! Dontcha baby dontcha!" Mr Crepsley sang, now picking up a broom. He jumped onto the kitchen table and began doing air gutiar. As soon as Darren had seen this he'd whished for a video camera (it's paradise) he then began filming the entire thing. Mr Creplsly actually seemed to know all the moves off by heart, as the song finished and he turned back to breakfast. Darren tucked the camera into his pocket for later and decided this was a better time to greet his old friend.

"Um... hi Mr Creplsey!" Darren called, he jumped and whipped round.

"DARREN!" He gasped, "How did you get here!" He cried.

"I died, so did steve, just sooner, I had to do this thing for Mr Tiny and be a little person first." Darren told him.

"This is fantastic, now we're all here!" Mr Crepsley beamed.

"Who lives here, exactly?" Darren asked.

"Well, me and Arra, Gavner, Vancha and Harkat. Debbie lives next door, Evra's family live the other side. Mika, Paris and Arrow live with Seba and Vanez. Kurda is avoiding them all, and lives with Gannen, and Sam Grest is living nearby."

"Wow! I think I'll go and visit Vancha in his room, won't be long." Darren excused himself and went upstairs, he could tell which room was Vancha's by the smell. However, when he went in he discovered a dark secret about him also...

* * *

Lol, read on to find out what it is!


	3. Chapter 3

Mr Crepsley Vs Edward Cullen Chapter 3

"Um... are you two... a couple now then?" Darren mumbled, numb with horror and shock, he had just walked into Vancha's room to find the green-haired vampire making out with Evanna. Darren closed his eyes, and yet the mental image scarred his retina. The horror of it, the trauma. He could never forget this moment, the time when his live _truly_ flashed before his eyes. It was a deep and terrible sense of horror that not even Steve had never been able to make him feel."Oh, sorry, Darren, how are you!" Vancha boomed, grappling Darren into a bear hug. Darren, not keen to get dragged into anything which may be taking place in this room, squirmed out of his grip and tried to look pleased to see his old friend.

"Hey, Vancha, there's something we need to put onto youtube!"

...

A few moments later, and Darren and Vancha were sat side by side, in stitches at the video Darren had taken of Mr Crepsley's feminine moment in the kitchen. Vancha howled with laughter, as their laptop pinged over and over, as comments rapidly accumulated on the video. It went something like this:

Queenofthebarslartenluver45 – Oh! Larten, this is so totally hot, why did you never show me this alluring side of you while we were together?

Ihatesteveandhippies37 – WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS! Arra, was this you!

Queenofthebarslartenluver45 – No! Of course not! But, Larten, you're so hot when you're mad, how about you come and see me, perhaps a repeat performance?

Pickledonionsnomnom2 – Lool! I haven't been this scarred since I got devoured by a wolf man!

Ihatesteveandhippies37 – Shut up Sam! Mr tall still has that wolf man!

– Fail man! You are never going to be able to mock my underwear choices again!

Ihatesteveandhippies37 – NOOO! WHO UPLOADED THIS! YOU WILL PAY WITH BLOOD!

Stevelordoftheshadows8 – Dudes, peace out, yeah man, I'm feeling so many negative vibes, you need to totally chill. I think you look really cool and like, totally camp Larten.

Ihatesteveandhippies – Shut up Steve! Nobody asked for your opinion! And who said you were allowed to use my first name!

Sebanilestalkeroflarten - Larten, the next time we meet you will be deprived of every hair on the inside of your nose. You say you wish to be like me, and you do THIS!

– Seba... why is your youtube name "Larten stalker"?

Ihatehippiesandsteve - ... FML

...

Darren shut the laptop and giggled to Vancha.

"You saw nothing, agreed?"

"Agreed." Vancha smirked, as they headed downstairs, only to find Mr Crepsley in a foul mood. His ears were blood red with embarrassment.

"Darren, it was you, wasn't it." He snapped in doleful tones.

"Possibly."

"Trust me, I will have my revenge."

"Cool."

Suddenly Harkat, a trained housewife, plodded over.

"Mr Crepsley, I'm very sorry but I accidentally washed all your capes with the white." Harkat croaked, handing Mr Crepsley a pink cape and shirt.

OOOOHHHHH! How very evil of Darren! Please review! I know this story hasn't been updated in ages but I'm going to start updating more regularly now.


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